War never ends
by FuelsTheComedy
Summary: The fighting is finally over, having defeated their enemies for good, the team realise that they will no longer be working together. They decided to hold a big farewell party to celebrate their victories, and bring their families along to meet the men that they've been working with for so long. Sniper really regrets bringing it up – hilarity and chaos ensue.


Victory was sweet.

After so many years of fighting and dying alongside his team, the Sniper was relieved to finally be able to say the words "_We've won_!" However, with victory came an end to the battles for _good_ so, not only was he out of work - he was never going to work with his team again.

"I'll miss you crazy wankas," he'd said to his fellow mercenaries "s'been a good, long run." They had all nodded in agreement, fondly acknowledging everyone in the group and wishing farewells. Demoman burst into tears and squeezed Soldier in a merciless bear hug and even Scout seemed to have a lot of "dust" in his eye.

"Woulda been swell knowin' you lot another time, away from the killin." Honestly it was as if the Sniper didn't even think before he spoke sometimes. He'd meant his remark as a polite after-thought but everyone seemed to perk up, little light bulbs flashing overhead.

"Noo hold on there laddy, that's no a bad idea," the drunken Cyclops still had an arm around Soldier, who was nonchalantly picking his nose. "How boot we all go tae the pub fur a few?" Everyone spoke at once, some agreeing and others disagreeing with the idea. The Engineer had been sitting on a crate just behind the crowd and he watched them with a warm smile.

"Hold up there, fellas," he spoke softly in his friendly southern drawl and the excitement died down, his team turned to him. "How would you boys feel about holdin' a little goodbye party, my Linda – she's always askin' after y'all," he paused, leaning back in thought. "Rather than goin' on out to a bar where y'all be knowin' some kinda trouble'll find us, why don't we bring our families on out here, meet the real fellas we've been fightin' with all these years?" There was silence, and then commotion.

Everyone thought it was a great idea, Demo and Soldier hugged again, the Heavy ruffled Scouts hair and the others nodded. All except from the Sniper. When Engie had said "family" he was meaning wife and kids right? The Sniper had neither, and a grown man couldn't bloody well bring his parents. He had no other family. What in God's name was he supposed to do? Surely he wouldn't be the only one coming alone?

Surely?

After the group had agreed on a time and place, they dispersed a little. The Sniper caught up to Demo and Soldier "So, you bringing the wives as well?" Demo finished swigging at his scrumpy.

"Am no married boyo," he wiped his mouth "but aye, I'll be bringing ma lady-friend. Me and Soldier met oor other halves when we wis in Las Vegas 'few years ago." _Damnit_.

"Will we me meeting Mrs Sniper, private!?" why did soldier always shout?

"Erm … not married either mate." The other two men didn't seem surprised, which annoyed him. "We'll see ye there." Demo had said before stalking off.

"Will you be coming _alone_, monsieur?" The tone was normal, but the Spy had a devious grin on his face. Sniper stared at him with a tired, un-amused scowl.

"Course I'll not be comin' alone, I've got a social life outsida you lot, y'know." That's right Sniper, dig your hole deeper and _deeper_. He knew he was lying. Spy knew he was lying. The Sniper knew that the Spy knew he was lying.

"Oui, I am _so_ looking forward to meeting your date," he gracefully expelled a cloud of smoke from his lips "I've told _mine_ alll about _you_." The Sniper grumbled and nodded, trying not to look too angry.

"Well, see you there, mate." He turned and trudged away, though he could hear the Spy snort and then cloak. _Jesus what was he supposed to do now?_

Sniper had never had a bloody _girlfriend before_, let alone a wife and kids. He'd been a gangly loner in high school, ranking as the second least popular kid. His only friend was John, the _least_ popular. John had terrible skin, asthma and was over-weight but after High school he followed Sniper to Medical school, but unlike Sniper, John did not _drop out_ after less than a year into it to pursue life as a tracker.

"Piss."

Sniper had been talked into medical school by his parents, who insisted he get a respectful job, but it wasn't for him. He hadn't seen John in years, but as far as he knew he'd carried on with medical school and had graduated. Screw it, he had no other options. He approached the dusty payphone and punched in the numbers.

"John, John Lucas? Hey, It's Mundy..."

* * *

John's taxi pulled up next to Snipers van, and out he stepped. Sniper gawked at him. Not only had he lost weight but his skin had cleared up and he was very smartly dressed. In fact, he looked absolutely amazing – clean cut and handsome with an expensive looking watch _and_ nice shiny shoes. As it turns out, he _had_ graduated from medical school: he was now the bloody chief of medicine – the youngest in Australia – and was making a fortune. He used that money pay for the best personal trainer, the best skin treatment and also had a massive house and two cars. When Sniper told him that he lived in a camper van, he laughed and embraced him. "Ya always were the _funny_ one Mundy!"

He was genuinely horrified when he realised his old friend wasn't kidding.

He then proceeded to list off the majority of his own belongings – as well as their prices just to rub salt into the wound. He'd sure gotten cocky over the years that Sniper hadn't seen him.

Brilliant. Now not only had John become what his own parents had wanted _him_ to be, he was going to make the Sniper look even more pathetic. At his _own_ teams bloody farewell party.

"_Piss_."

* * *

Two days later and it was party time. It started early because some of the guys were bringing their kids along, so Demo had been warned to stay off the booze at least a little. Sniper had asked about a few of the guys before hand to double check that he'd not be the _only_ one without a bloody woman. So far, he was.

"My Linda can't wait to meet ya'll," said Engie "Be bringin' my two kids too." He beamed with pride and showed Sniper a photo carefully held inside an old, scraggly wallet. And what a beautiful family he had indeed, they all looked so happy, thought Sniper. _Piss_.

Soldier and Demo had been with their long-term girlfriends since they'd met a few years ago so there were no children on their end. Thank God, mini demo's and Soldiers? The world would bloody end.

Medic was divorced from his wife, but they remained on friendly – or rather, _civilised_ –terms. They'd been childhood sweethearts and were married for a very long time before they mutually agreed it would be best just to end it. Turns out Medic's dead inside, but whose really surprised? Sniper didn't know how much truth was to the "friendly terms" part, but he knew that she was still coming to the party, so even the team's crazy-ass Doctor was going to have a woman with him, even if their relationship was platonic.

The scout was bragging about bringing his "babe" with him, even though the Sniper hadn't even asked who he was bringing.

"You bringing you're missus Heavy?" the massive man beamed "Dah!"

Piss.

As Sniper waited on John, he hated himself for even bringing this "miss you guys" crap up in the first place. His whole life was just one big self-sabotage wasn't it?

"Alrighty Mundy, ready to-holy dooly!" John looked aghast. "What're wearin'?" _What_? He was wearing jeans and a denim shirt with his old faithful hat and shades. He shrugged at his friend, genuinely confused. "C'mon Mundy, you said this was your big g'bye night, you're makin' no effort"? _No effort?_

"You' talkin' 'bout? I bloody ironed my shirt and everyfin'." They argued for a bit before the Sniper caved and aloud John to pick out another shirt for him. It was a very smart, white shirt with blue pin-stripes and his old friend _insisted_ that he not roll the sleeves up. He removed Snipers hat.

"There, lookin' good buddy!" He patted his shoulder. John was dressed in nice pants and a black shirt with his hair gelled back and his fancy watch and belt buckle. His boots gleamed. God, his mother would disown him and adopt John in a second if she could.

"Lookin' forward to meetin' your buddies, mate!"

The Sniper grumbled.

* * *

When the two men arrived Engie, Scout, Soldier and Demo were already there before them.

"hoo-wee, the hat _does_ come off." Engie approached him with a big, warm smile. God it was so strange to see him dressed in _normal_ clothes, no hat or goggles or anything.

"Hey Engie, hope we ain't late" Engie patted a friendly hand on his shoulder.

"Now you call me Dell," another smile "who's your friend?"

"John, we went to school together. John this is Engi- ugh Dell." The pair shook hands.

"Actually it's _Dr_ Jonathan Lucas." He smiled widely "It's such a pleasure to finally meet you, mate!"

"Ho boy, friendly _and_ smart? You sure are a sight for sore eyes, son." _Hrm_.

"Daddy, who's that?" A little blond girl with wavy locks and big blue eyes appeared at Engineers side, she looked about seven. Sniper gave her a little nod.

"Tammy, this here's daddy's co-worker, and this here's his good friend John." As she smiled sweetly at them "Hi." A slightly dumpy woman approached with a young, blond boy.

"You must be the Mrs," Sniper said politely. "It's a real pleasure m'am" He shook her hand and nodded respectfully. Engineers wife was very sweet, she had an attractive face and a full, round body. She had a flowery summer dress on and a knitted woolly cardigan. Very motherly-like. The Little boy, who looked about nine or ten was his father's double. They all spoke for a long time, Engie and John hit it off right away, holding Phd's and all that. Man, Engie had such a picture-perfect family, his beautiful kids clearly adored him.

"S'cuse me." Sniper nodded and walked away, John remained to charm the little Texan family.

"Hey guys," Sniper approached Demoman and Soldier. "Where's the other halves at then?"

"Having girl-talk in the bathroom." Demo grinned. God Sniper wasn't going to get used to seeing his fellow mercenaries in normal, everyday clothes. Sniper didn't consider himself judgmental but he never imagined that the manic depressive, alcoholic Cyclops and the …. well the _Soldier_ had bagged particularly good-looking broads.

Why could he _never_ be right?

What emerged from the bathroom was a very pretty blond woman who threw her rams around Soldier, and a beautiful dark skinned woman with short black hair who gave Demo a kiss on the cheek. They noticed Sniper.

"You must be one of Tavish's friends" Said the dark haired woman; she looked amazing in that red dress.

"I am." He smiled and shook both women's hands politely.

"Hey Mundy!" John sprang on him from behind, patting him hard on the back. "You must be Demo and Soldier, Mundy's told me all about you! It's an honour to meet such fine men of war!"

_Kiss ass._

No matter, Snipers work mates sucked it up like honeyed wine and shook his hand, chatting away as if they were old friends, mainly the conversation consisted of John talking himself up. Their lady-friends couldn't take their eyes off of John. As soon as the small group knew he was a Dr, Sniper was thoroughly ignored.

"Sup camper-van!" Sniper turned to see Scout with his arm around a pretty young girl who, as far as Sniper could tell, was still in her late teens. "That yar date?" He grinned as he nodded towards John, who was flattering Soldier with praise in between discussing his own salary.

"M'mate John, this must be you're lucky lady." He smiled at the pretty, scantily dressed blond. Piss, Sniper knew he was getting _old_, because his first thought wasn't _damn check that rack! _It was _I'd never let my daughter dress like that_. Jesus what a boring old bloody fart he was.

"Me and Vincent went to the same High School." She grinned.

"_Vincent_?"

"Shut up man, what of it?" Sniper just grinned evilly at the young red-faced man. "Up yours!" He stoked away with his date. Behind him the doors opened and in came the Medic, dressed like a _normal_ guy, and alongside a young attractive woman. A _very_ young woman. Jesus she must have been a teenager.

"Hey Doc … this your?" The Medic scowled at the Snipers silent, idiotic assumption.

"My daughter, dummkopf," He pushed his glasses up his nose. "Lina, this ist Sniper." She was about seventeen with long black hair and blue eyes; she looked a lot like her father.

"Guten tag." She smiled sweetly, not looking so much like her old man now. Then in came an older, rather snobby looking woman.

"You call zat _parking_ Armin? You may as vell have just have flipped ze damn zing." She stormed up to the Medic and glared at him, he glared back.

"You must be … Linas mother?" Good save Sniper.

"Ja," she smiled at him and they shared a brief conversation. The moment Sniper had been dreading arrived, Dr John was meeting the Medic.

"Hey mate! You must be another one of Mundy's co-workers," He grinned like a Cheshire cat at Lina who instantly went bright red. "I'm Dr Jonathan Lucas." They shook hands.

"I suppose you can call me Armin, I vas ze team Medic."

"_Really_?" Good god John _don't_ say anything stupid. "Where did you graduate?" too late. Luckily just as Sniper had John, the Medic had his ex-wife.

"Pfft, Armin never vent to medical school, too busy running from ze authorities and any family responsibilities."

"You're hilarious, Edda." The Medic looked in no mood to be talking to anyone. "Excuse me _Herr Doctor,_ I vish to speak vith ze Engineer." He pushed his way passed the group, though his daughter remained behind to stare at John, love struck. John grinned back.

"So, _Lina_-"

"Don't even bloody think about it," Sniper elbowed him "she's half your age!"

John just smiled.

* * *

Once everyone had arrived, Sniper was just about ready to kill himself.

Heavy had arrived with his date which, as it turns out was just Sasha with a flower accessory wrapped around her. Engie had gone crazy at Heavy for bringing his mini-gun but was assured that Sasha was not loaded. Little Rick and Tammy were amazed by the Heavy man and his enormous …. Date.

Then it happened.

The Pyro waddled in, still fully kitted up in its flame retardant suit – gas mask and all. Followed by a second Pyro … and three mini-pyros. _What the bloody hell?_ One of the mini Pyros had a bow on its head, so Sniper assumed that was Pyros … daughter. Engie had greeted Pyro like an old friend, and just as he was the only one who could understand the masked thing, his wife had no trouble understanding it nor it's wife/husband. Was nobody else as disturbed by this scene as Sniper was?

"Gentlmen." Ah, crap.

Sniper turned slowly to stare at the Spy who was with, not a woman no. A _Goddess_, pulled from the heavens themselves. Jesus, Sniper didn't know that real people could look _that_ good outside magazines. She had long black hair and big, sultry emerald eyes with ivory skin and a gorgeous body. The black dress she had on wasn't trashy at all; it was very elegant and complimented her amazing figure. Sniper stared, mouth open.

Spy approached him with a sleazy look on his face. Wait, his face! The spook didn't have has mask on. The only thing that made this situation worse than the Spy having a drop dead-gorgeous date was the fact that the man behind the mask was almost as bloody pretty as her.

_Smarmy prick. _

"Spook." The Sniper nodded in strained acknowledgment.

"Sniper," he nodded in return, only he was grinning "mon cher, this is the Bushman I was telling you about." At that her smile faded to a look of disgust.

"The Jar-man?"

"Oui."

She looked genuinely offended.

"It's uh, s'nice to meet you. You must be Lola, Spooks mentioned you allot." At that the Spy's face dropped, and the woman shot him a look.

"_Lola_?"

"You must have misheard me, bushman, mademoiselle 'as always been _Claudia_." If looked good kill, Sniper would be dead.

With the entire group finally here, fond tales of heroic battles sounded throughout the room and laughs were shared. It was really nice to finally get to meet the real men behind the uniform, but honestly Sniper felt as if they were more interested in John, aside from Medic. The German disliked "real" Doctors; said they didn't understand how _real_ medicine should be studied. Crazy bastard.

When Scout was introduced to Spies date the poor bugger nearly hit a boner on sight, but luckily his young girlfriend didn't notice because she was staring longingly at Spy.

"Hi," she was as red as a tomato "I'm Veronica" she stuck out her hand for a shack. Spy took her hand and gently turned it, kissing it lightly.

"Bonjour, _Veronique_." Poncy bloody fairy even used the French pronunciation. The poor girl swooned, actually _swooned_.

Demo and Soldier were so charmed by John that they didn't seem to notice that both of their girlfriends were madly in love with him. Heavy had left Sascha carefully "resting" by the punch to lift Engies children above his head as they laughed and giggled.

"Higher!"

"Oh ho ho! Leetle Engie babies are so small!" The three mini-Pyros also jumped around the big man's feet, raising their arms up for a go. "Mrph, mrrrph!"

The Medics ex-wife was now flirting shamelessly with the Spy, whose date was being mercilessly subjected to the Scouts attempts to flex his muscles.

"See that? _All_.me." He continued to flex for her as she downed her wine.

Medics daughter and Scouts date were near enough the same age, so they were talking about whatever it is teenaged girls talk about in life. Namely, the Spy and John. Engie and his wife were still in deep conversation with the Pyro and it's …. Pyro. Medic approached Spy, much to his ex wife's displeasure.

"Ah, Herr Spy. Enjoying ze evening?"

"I am indeed Doctor, and might I say; it is a _fine_ family you have," he nodded over to Lina "she has her father's enthusiasm."

"Zat she does," he noticed Claudia. "Zis must be Frau Josephine?" Spy's date narrowed her eyes.

"Claudia." He gritted his teeth. "mademoiselle 'as always been _Claudia_"

* * *

It was getting dark outside and Demo could only control himself for so much longer. When he brought out the whisky, Engie began to put on his coat.

"Well fellas, it's been an honour workin' with each and every one of y'all but I'm gonna take the little ones home." He gave each mercenary and man-hug. "Ya'll take care of yourselves now." Pyro seemed to weep at the Texan's leave but it's …. Pyro-partner patted it on the shoulder.

"mrph mrph."

Fast forward to two hours later and everyone's getting drunk.

"You must be Maria," said Demoman "Spy's told me all about you." At that Claudia stormed off and into the bathroom. Spy just stood there with an un-amused expression.

"mademoiselle 'as _always_ been Claudia."

"Face it spook, lady knows you're a womanizing pig now." Sniper grinned at him over his Scotch.

"Perhaps. I see that you're boyfriend has thoroughly corrupted Scout's little _amour_?"

Sniper didn't have time to retaliate against the gay joke because; sure enough John was leaning in real close as he spoke to Veronica, whispering in her ear. The girl was a brilliant cherry colour.

"S'cuse me."

"Mhm." The Spy lifted an eyebrow as he watched the Sniper shoo his friend away from his potential prison term. Scout hadn't noticed his one chance at getting laid slip away as he was fluttering around near the woman's toilets waiting for Claudia to re-appear, like some desperate, horny butterfly.

Soon Pyro and Pyro-partner left with their … mini-Pyros, leaving just five other mercenaries and their dates, Heavy with his gun and Sniper … with John.

Whenever the Spy found himself talking to Medics young teenaged daughter, the good Doctor always seemed to somehow materialize between them as a barrier. When Lina finally went off to get a drink, the Medic patted Spy on the shoulder.

"Herr Spy, talk to mein daughter again and I'll put your head in mein fridge." He said that with a kindly smile before walking over to join Heavy and Soldier.

Spy swallowed the lump in his throat.

* * *

It was now midnight and _everyone_ was drunk.

"Vere ist Lina? I should take her home." The Medic was staring at his watch worryingly. It was so unusual that the apparently psychopathic madman had another human being that he actually felt protective of. It was really nice, thought Sniper.

"Saw her talkin' to Scout last, mate."

Medic walked over to collect his coat when a baseball rolled out from a nearby closest. It was quite a scene, watching the Medic wrench the Scout off his daughter shouting and swearing in German.

"Wow, wow, Doc! Nothing happened I swear!" He had Lina's lip gloss on his neck and their clothes and hair were unruly. Sure, nothing. What a kid, Sniper chuckled. Before the Medic could tear the Scout apart, Heavy was there and pulling him away. Lina was up in a flash.

"I'll be in the car vater!" she was blushing widely as she ran out, fixing her clothes. It only got worse for Scout, when he caught sight of Veronica storming out, and pursued her.

"Wait! Veronica, babe! She meant nothing to me!" It actually took the Heavy _and_ the Sniper to hold the Medic back.

"I'll kill zat dummkopf!"

"Now, now Doc, we were all that age once!" laughed Demo.

* * *

A while after Medic and his ex-wife had left, and Scout had run off after his probably now ex-girlfriend, the Heavy announced his leave.

"Take good care of you!" he called out cheerfully as he wrapped Demo, Soldier, Sniper and Spy in one massive bear hug. They nodded to him as he gathered his big coat and Sasha – bridal style no less - and left, humming a Russian song.

Demo and his lady sat together on one couch, and Soldier and his lady sat on the other while both women eyed John, who took a seat in between Sniper and Spy. Claudia had been successfully re-charmed by her lover so had temporarily forgotten that he was a womanizing man-whore, she sat close to him with her arm snaked around his neck.

"Well, soldiers! It has been a glorious war!" Soldier held up a beer and the others in the room followed suit. "Cheers!" They all cheered and took a drink.

Sniper stared around the room, Soldier, Demo and Spy all sat snugly with their lady-friends as he sat shoulder to shoulder with John, who was sharing cheeky, flirtatious glances with Soldiers lover.

"So," he began "what's everyone's plan now that the fighting's done?"

Demoman told of how he was taking his woman back to Scotland, but rather than living in the highlands he was going to buy a grand manor near Glasgow city with all the money he'd earned over the years. Sniper imagined he'd blow every penny on scrumpy, but here's hoping.

Soldier ranted on about how the fighting will continue on soon and that he'd continue to prepare for war. His pretty young lover was either dumb as a box of rocks or was just as nuts as him, because she didn't seem too troubled by his logic. "The war never ends!" he'd roar.

Spy spoke of the most romantic trips away all over the world with Claudia and of all the things she'd see and the fine people she'd meet, and she seemed to glow with excitement as he spoke in his smooth, French voice. Cigarette dangling as his lips moved.

John said he was continuing to work at the hospital, but he hadn't settled down yet so he was going to start looking for his "soul mate" to love and look after, and he moved his eyes between the three women in the room as he spoke, though only Sniper and Spy seemed to notice, as they both snorted.

Sniper nodded along, not looking at anyone as they all waited for him to tell his piece. He took a swig and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, s'been a good night…" he trailed off.

"Well? What is ze ever-independent Sniper going to be doing with his time now that he's _unemployed_."The Spy took a long drag on his cigarette.

"You will be buyin' a house won't ya Mundy? I mean ya can't jus' live in that bloody van all the time, what would yer mum and dad say?" John laughed and drank from his glass.

"I believe zat our dear _Mundy_ has told his parents zat he already has a house," said Spy "and zat he's a _doctor_." Oh crap. The Spy smirked devilishly.

"Ya wot?" John turned to face him. "Did you really lie to your parents about that, mate?"

"I 'ad no choice, a'right? Me mum and dad - they don't agree with Snipin' an' I was never hearin' the end of it!" He rubbed the back of his neck as John continued to stare at him, seemingly appalled. He felt his face going red as he noticed the Spy sitting with a sleazy, triumphant smile on his face.

"Lyin' ain't no way to be Mundy, you choose to drop out of medical school after all."

"Hold up! The camper went to med-school?" that got Soldiers attention.

"Only for a few months to trick his mum and dad, he left to be a tracker after that. It was me who stayed."

"Lyin' tae yer ma" Demo shook his head "That's low, boyo."

"So _low_." Spy agreed.

"The lotta ya shuddup a'right!? S'my choice, an' it's not low! Better to lie an' keep 'em happy rather than be honest an' disappoint 'em."

"That ain't right." Mused John thoughtfully.

"Come off it, everyone lies about stuff. Spook bloody lies for a living!"

"I guess that makes two of us then, non?" Sniper chuckled.

"Yeah? Well I lie about me job, s'true. But I don't sleep about and then lie to every poor Sheila that catches me eye!" He subconsciously glanced at Claudia.

"I knew it!" Claudia stood up. "I'm _leaving_ Mathieu!" She stormed off, the four men couldn't help butch watch her leave with bitten lips.

"Look what you've done!" Spy pointed at the retreating Goddess accusingly.

"Yer name ain't even Mathieu!" sneered Sniper.

"Well not _anymore_ it's not, thanks to you! Just because you are going home alone tonight – now I 'ave to!" John stood between them both, a beacon of civility.

"Now c'mon mates, let's not blow this outta proportion." He smiled sweetly at the Sniper, before turning to eye up Demos lover who seemed oh so impressed by his heroic intervention.

"An _you_!" Sniper pointed in Johns face "take one of yer fancy bloody cars and drive home _first_ thing tomorrow morning!" with that he turned and stormed out of the room.

"Mundy!" John called after him but Demo stopped him from following.

"Leave 'im be laddy, he's no needin' company the noo."

The Spy watched the Snipers back and then looked over at John, who was grinning and Soldiers lover.

_What a wanker._

* * *

Sniper angrily stumbled into his crappy little camper van and rolled his sleeves up, grabbing a warm beer bottle from a cupboard. In no mood to need to search for his bottle opening, he used his shape teeth to pry the lid off – his only party trick. After a moment, he heard the door opening behind him.

"Piss off John, I'm not in the bloody mood."

"You are mistaken, Bushman."

"Even worse." The Sniper didn't bother turning around to look, he knew who it was. The Spy lit up a cigarette and took a seat on the dumpy little pull-out bed.

"Get out."

"Non."

"It's my van!"

"Oui." Neither man moved.

"Fine! Ya poncy, two-faced bloody-" He didn't finish, he just took his shades off and rubbed his tired eyes. The Spy finished his cigarette, sitting in silence just watching the back of the other man's head. God, his van was _small_. He mentally critiqued the van for a few moments as the silence lingered.

"John never used to be like this, y'know?" Sniper turned to face the Spy. "We were best mates, he was never selfish or sneaky or tactless or ever _confident_. He was never a womanizer or nothin'. I guess I jus' don't like what he's become." He paused. "He's become like you." He looked at the Spy, who snorted.

"Mon ami, I never knew our relationship was so _sour_."

"It's not – I mean, we're just too different. Yeah, we _work_ well together but that's all. Shoulda kept the goodbyes bloody simple and kept me mouth shut."

"You are very much ze self-saboteur, yes?" he was grinning playfully. Sniper just snorted to himself.

"M'sorry bout your woman, mate."

"Don't be, the odd night off without a beautiful woman in my bed must have some positive side that I just can't see." The Sniper stared at him, and then started laughing. The Spy laughed with him. With the tension somewhat eased and his frustration slightly dimmed, the Sniper stood.

"Come on, mate. Best catch the guys before they leave so we can at least _end_ this bloody night on a good tone."

The Sniper and Spy started walking round toward the main building when an explosion shook the very ground.

"Bloody hell!"

_BOOM!_

"They caught sight of Demo and Soldier and they looked _pissed_.

"What's goin' on!?" called Sniper, bracing himself.

"Yer bloody pretty-boy mate hus jus' drove away wi our women!"

"I WILL KILL THAT TRAITEROUS NAZI!"

In the distance, John's car was speeding off and he laughed along with the two beautiful women in his expensive, shiny car, disappearing from sight. Demo and Soldier seemed to pull their weapons out of nowhere, having had to hide them from Engie earlier. The bloody building was on fire and everything. Ten. Minutes. He'd left them for _ten_ minutes!

"You know what? You're right" said the Spy. "He _is_ like me." The two men grinned at one another.

"LET'S DO IT!" Demo and Soldier charged after the car on foot, too drunk and angry to realise how stupid they looked.

"Looks like Soldier was right too." Sniper scratched the back of his head and Spy arched a quizzical brow. "The war never does end" The two team mates stood side by side and observed the scene before them, laughing so hard that the Spy began to snort.

Well, the night _wasn't_ so bad after all.


End file.
